Sunday, August 22, 2010

how honest is too honest

i like to think that i try to be transparent, i find that it is too cumbersome to try to measure out what i should and shouldn't say to people. this is especially important because of the contemporary and public fashion that i communicate on forums as unlikely as this and as pervasive as twitter/FB. i do occasionally withhold something if i think it will pain another in some way. all of these hypocrisies aside though, i still find the questions of how truly honest i can be, a perplexing question.

i have several goals to improve myself——my work, life, livelihood, etc——i am not satisfied with all, i really want to pursue these goals and see where they lead. i will be that way for a long time to come because i have been that way for a long time, period.

i am concerned (sometimes worried) about the way utter honesty will effect my relationships. if i share goals honestly there is a possibility that my employer will think i am brash. i don't want them to think that i can't imagine or don't have interest in bringing those high value goals to the current situation. but if it leads other places, well this is the path i have chosen to be on. the politics of it all!

just now, i see that this may be a source of a deep seated wanderlust in me. Herman Hesse's novel Narcissus and Goldmund has a lot of brilliant philosophy about bring true to one's nature and one of them is a wanderer, i should pick it up again.

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